FORTYSIX EIGHTEEN

CAT O'TEN TAILS

2008-04-28T10:57:00.000-07:00

London Broil's going away!!!He's off to hilly California.Lucky cunt.See you at the Duke.

QUOTE OF THE WEEK

2008-04-12T12:37:00.000-07:00

This priceless piece is an advice on how to do courier job with BROKEN ARM.Taken from MT internet forum,'ere we go:

'Always relax your hand before punching a solid metal object.If you really want to make an impression,punch the side window.In the middle if it is rolled up,and in the top middle if it is rolled slightly down.If you do it right the window will explode into million pieces and the poor terrified driver will see how unbelivably hard you are and shit himself next time he sees a cyclist...'

Anyone out there can advice on working with broken leg???

A wee correction and charitable events

2008-03-16T13:54:00.000-07:00

I'm being informed by Julie from NYC that the messenger who got squashed between two trucks is not only alive and out of the hospital,but giving 'evidence' on you tube as well.I have to say i like when terrible rumors turn out to be just rumors.
Meanwhile in the Big Smoke.Friday nite fundraising old school allycat raised over 300 quid and saturday's afternoon Emergency Cat raised over 100 pounds.Well done Overdrive,Wayne and Sarah.Nice one everyone who participated.
After working last few days in the rain,I just couldnt get myself to ride for some more rainy hours on saturday nite.Although as i heard The Monopoly ride went ahead with over 50 riders cycling in pissing down rain.MUCH RESPECT!

Fucking Depression And Charitable Events

2008-03-10T10:08:00.000-07:00

Gloomy last few weeks.Gloomy not due to shite london weather.
First-the news from Chicago.After hearing those i wont think of an alleycat same way ever again.Thats february 24th.
February 26th.Shit goes wrong in London.Kris 55-Creative's Finest Polack-slips on the wet road and breaks his finger.Surgery,wires in the bone and weeks off the bike.
February 29th-working messenger crushed to death in NYC.
March 3rd.'Black Monday' in London:Effi from Destinations and Chewy from City Sprint both are run over by lorries.
Chewy escapes with 'only' broken foot but Effi may not be able to ride a bike ever again...
Benefit events for Effi and Chewy:
Friday 14th of march 6.30ish at Duke of York,Clerkenwell road
Saturday 15 of march,Ion square e2-not quite sure if that one is going to happen,for up to date details check:www.movingtargetzine.com/forum
Saturday 15th of march,9pm,Tate Modern on South Bank,river entrance-monopoly nite ride.details:www.londonfgss.com/discussions
Paypal donations-if you want to donate cash and AREN'T based in London(paypal transfers are NOT free)you can paypal the cash to:
bill.chidley@mac.com-mark your donation 'EC Donation' otherwise Bill will spend it on fags and chips.
One Less Car stickers-1 quid each-profit proceeds to the injured messengers.Either contact Martin via email:
malpa-london@yahoo.com or visit him at Brick Lane Bikes on Bethnal Green Road.
RIDE SAFE

Holy Shit.It's slow day scavenger hunt.

2008-02-24T15:40:00.000-08:00

Scavenger hunt?On tuesday?During working hours?
Yep,that's right.Challenges involved collecting receptionists' phone numbers,getting proofs of visits to various post codes and getting water from the Thames.Did i mention getting tattoos?Yes,tattoos.
Nice work Nhatt.
Results are here
Photos are here

And what are those two pics here?Both are taken when manning a mobile check point during the hunt.

How to make that light stand stable when its windy as hell?
Wrap your krypto chain around it...

Tools of trade:a lock and a cuppa.Not quite certain which one's more important...

HALLOWEEN ALLEYCAT-RESULTS

2007-11-03T14:02:00.000-07:00

1st- JOSH
2nd- WAGNER
3rd- AMERICAN JAMES
4th- JOHN (DUBLIN,1st out-of-towner)
5th- ROB (DUBLIN,2nd out-of-towner)
6th- JULIA (first female and the only female to finish the race)
7th- RYAN
8th- BONGO
9th- KUBA
10th- MAX(DFL)
plus nearly 30 DNFs-finding graffiti on the wall in WOOD'S BUILDINGS E1(place of one of Jack the Ripper's murders)proved to be too difficult for most of the riders.
BEST COSTUME- SARAH

My pictures are here
Josh's thoughts on the race are here

What is the difference between glaswegian messenger and tibetan motorbiker?

2007-10-28T13:38:00.001-07:00

Cycle Courier
Originally uploaded by NapalmPhoto

HALLOWEEN ALLEY CAT

2007-10-28T07:38:00.000-07:00

GRUESOME TWOSOME Results

2007-10-21T07:24:00.000-07:00

1st- CUNTS R US: Josh & Crazy Dave
2nd- GENTS OF DESTINY: Darren & Charlie
3rd- GINGER NINJAS: Sarah Jane & Yorgo
4th joined -
ARIES: Shane & Sylvia
SHITPISS: Juliette & Will
5th- CRAYON TEETH: Martin & Csaba
6th-STICKY LESBIANS: Nicky & Lesbian James
7th- MEAT MARKET: Ian & Chris -BEST TEAM NAME
8th- WHATEVER: Kuba & Andrew
9th- MINCE: Pikey & Sarah
10th- WOLFPACK: John & Agata
11th- TEAM DFL: Megan & Stewy -FIRST (AND ONLY) TEAM OUT OF TOWN
12th- CALACAS: Bea & Pedro
DFL- DUTCHY: Jeremy & Chris
DNF- BLACK AND BLUE: Edmund & Holger
DNF- FUCK EM'S: Dave & Guy
DNF- TEAM AIDAN: Aidan & Aidan
DNF- MOLTENI: Jos & Marco

What is the difference between a ned from Glasgow and a ned from London???

2007-10-12T16:18:00.000-07:00

What is the difference between tibetan postman and glaswegian messenger???

2007-10-12T15:00:00.000-07:00

GRUESOME TWOSOME Treasure Cat

2007-10-07T13:32:00.001-07:00

Apologies to everyone who encountered a dead link to this flyer.It has been updated with logos of sponsors,so I had to delete the old one.
ANYWAY,here are the sponsors:
FREIGHT BAGGAGE
PROJECT TORTOISE
ROBERTO BICICLETAS
HOUSE OF PISHTARD
SMEEAR
BICYCLE FILM FESTIVAL
CARHARTT UK

THE CITY OF GLASGOW

2007-09-17T11:31:00.000-07:00

Just a couple of sentences about my favourite city.
Anyone have heard about Put Buckfast Into Plastic Bottles Campaign?
Well,if they will manage to convince bucki monks to do that,it isn't all lost just yet.
Every single Glaswegian tells me that IrnBru tastes much better from a glass bottle than from a can or plastic.No need then to spend a wee fortune on a bottle of FuckedFast just because you feel like slashing someones face.
Ladies and Gentlemen!First ever lethal weapon which in case you don't feel like breaking someones face could be exchanged for a 20 pence coin at any shop.
Ladies and Gentlemen! A bottle of Ginger.

Sheer shock after Dublin prices.55 pence a can of lager at G.G.'s offy!!! Sure its not 555 pence?

Tough weather conditions mean that your bike needs that tender attention.On display is a wide array of tools used by scottish mechanics.

Glasgow messenger's tools of trade.

Mac Tse-Tung?Nope,Wee Red Book is about football.

And massive THANK YOU to everyone in The City Of Glasgow who made every of me visits there so memorable.
Everyone:messengers,messengers' friends,messengers' parents etc etc.You guys rock!So does your city!
And here are pictures of Glasgow i took while knocking out those few wee jobs(thanx again Brian) i managed to knock out.

MILLPOCALYPSE NOW

2007-09-13T15:33:00.000-07:00

Funnily enough it was warm and sunny when we were leaving Dublin.Perhaps that sun was the reason why our assorted motley crue of Londoners,Glaswegians and Montrealians almost missed the train to Belfast..
When we did mention that to a friendly fella in the guards carriage where we stashed our bikes we have been told:don't worry,this is Irish Rail-its like Jamaica.
The only event on the train worth mentioning is James Tait showing off missing chunks of flesh on his leg.Yum.

Couple of hours to explore lovely Belfast city or rather to explore the way from the train station to the ferry terminal.
Some interesting views.

And northern irish CCTV cameras must be made of gold...

Millportpoloco(or rather Millpocalypse as it will be called since this year) as usually was fantastic fun.
Friday nite street keirin ended up with a traditional crash(not me this time) as well as a visit from local authorities.
Coppers were so nice that they not only let us finish the race(going wrong way on the Park Circus and its friday nite-drunken pedestrians,occasional car or two,pretty dark etc) but also stayed to watch the final 4 laps and the crash
The island of Great Cumbrae is where the actual Millpocalypse was held.Green and rainy/sunny as usually.And sooo drunken.
So what have changed then sice last year?
Millport constabulary discovered us.We were visited several times-nudity and drinking in public.No arrests.
Whiskeys at THE TAVERN went up to £1.30.
No pirate alleycat this year,pier jump and skid skittles instead.
After hours of rain the camp site turned into proper swamp-i was the only loser (or maybe winner) who paid for dry and warm bed&(missed)breakfast
Those photos should give you a hint of the atmosphere on that weekend.

Paul is performing his naked pier jump.

Strathclyde Constabulary watching street keirin,Park Circus Velodrome.

On the way back towards the ferry landing brief stop over to perform some acrobatics and to have police called on us for the last time...

...and to watch beautiful views from the beach.

Makka playing trackstanding darts at Johnny Foxe's pub in West Kilbride.

If you want to read the results and see more photos of madness,drunken messengers,bicycles etc GO HERE.
If you want to see what the island of great cumbrae actually looks like,have a look at those shots.
ENJOY.

Cycle Messengers World Championships in Dublin

2007-09-09T14:28:00.000-07:00

So those brave london couriers who felt that Londons Calling wasn't quite enough arrived in Dublin to show the world HOW WE DO IT LONDON STYLE.
I counted 35 londoners and Im sure i must have ommited someone.Anyway,that is remarkable attendance considering how apathetic we really are and how few of us actually leave the Cockney Land to go to any messenger event that is any farther than Benthall Green.
Some people drove,some rode(im being told that from over 40 people who embarked from london fields only 19 made it riding their bikes all the way to dublin-respect to all who finished the ride!!!),some flew,but most of us choose the easy way-train/ferry.
The messenger stream trickled slowly from Euston to Holyhead and then Dublin over 4 days.The highlists of those trips are definitely one london mess who left his passport at home, another one who decided to get plastered on the ferry and left his fellow travellers with no choice than carry him from the ferry port to the town with frequent vomit stops.Oh,and one more who was convinced that London isnt big enough to have more than one airport.Well done lads!!!
Now the racing.As usually we stuck to the traditional London way of doing those things-2 out of nearly 40 londoners qualified to the finals.Not too bad.
Those two were:

THERESE who was third female overall

and JOS.

The rest of us happily sat around looking at the blue sky...

...or chatting about dockets,crap controllers and road works in West End...

...or dancing(or attempting to)...

...or doing that essential shopping...

...or smiling...

...or trying to decide whether to ride or not to ride...

...or emptying paints...

...or just being in general one-hundred-percent-two-fingers-in-the-air mood...

...or helping Glasgow messengers with their dental problems.

All happy,blissfull and euphoric bunch.Untill three things appeared.

The first thing was rain.

The second thing was ...more rain.

The third thing to appear was the Old Bill.

Who told everyone to fuck off.So we all did.Some of us back to London.And some to Glasgow City.Via Belfast.

THEY WANT HIM BACK!!!!

2007-07-18T14:24:00.000-07:00

"NEVER IN THE FIELD OF DISPATCHING WAS SO MUCH OWED BY SO MANY TO JUST ONE GEEZER"
And now they want their controller back.
Cylone riders pleading their case on the wall of the freight lift in Greater London House.

QUOTES OF THE WEEK

2007-07-15T14:54:00.000-07:00

That one is a french driver:

"Red lights are like queues.They are for people who have time to waste."

And while we are at it,that one is from Glasgow:

"Oi!Do you know what a red light means?
Aye,it means your mum's back in business"

Meanwhile back in Big Smoke:

"I'm thinking of going ahead with becoming a bike messenger and was just wandering if having a driving license is a requisite?
No,although you will be needing an off-license"

P R I C E L E S S !!!!!!

LONDONS CALLING

2007-07-15T01:26:00.000-07:00

Londons calling!!!

Where? London? Yes! London!You know:fish,chips,cup of tea,bad food,worst weather,Marry fucking Poppins.LONDON!!!

We better see you over here or you are F**KED!!!

TRACKSTANDS FRIDAY THE 13TH-RESULTS

2007-07-14T11:10:00.000-07:00

Due to presence of VERY unfriendly coppers we had to abandon the idea of taking over either Broadwick street by Nat Mag post room or Defour's place.Instead it all hapenned on the stinky site of Berwick street market.Competitors who lined up on uneven pavement had to face the road and dodge pedestrians passing behind them and there wasn't really much space-real urban trackstands.
27 competitors registered,I think only 24 or 25 actually did trackstand.We only got as far as no hands.
Kamil was the last man standing,second place goes to Vojtek,third to Ted.Not a single female competed.Winner went home with 27 quid in cash and a very nice woolen jersey sponsored by Jos,Vojtek got a Pistard t-shirt from House of Pistard and Ted got a Brixton Pista t-shirt.
We may have another competition next friday.Rather not in Soho this time.

FIRST PLACE-KAMIL

SECOND PLACE-VOJTEK

MILLPOCALYPSE NOW

2007-07-10T14:41:00.000-07:00

There's not a shadow of a doubt:the most extreme messenger event ever.EVER!
The first time I have been told about the Millportpoloco at the ECMC in Basel.The list of casualties was quite impressive and included:one case of hypotermia,at least one case of serious burns,broken bones,couple of couriers missing in action and the off license expedition being chased by the audience of a country and western gig.That was the very first Millportpoloco which sadly i have missed.
Then there was last years poloco,the report from which you can find here.
Not even in the slightest less extreme than the first poloco,that one started with the street kierin in Glasgow(going wrong way around a roundabout,with real traffic including a cop car,and particularly vicious parked cars attacking some riders) and finished with pirate alleycat on the island of Great Cumbrae-the last checkpoint was on the next island,racers had to swim there to complete the race.I GAVE UP DRINKING AFTER THAT WEEKEND!!!!
This years third edition of Millportpoloco-quite rightly called Millpocalypse-in conjunction with CMCW in Dublin should be a fine,wet,drunken and deep fried celtic holiday.
The official Millportpoloco web site is here.
My pictures from last year are here
So what should be expected this year?Lets see:

Rain? - TICK

Customized track bikes? - TICK

Deep fried pizza? - TICK

Sea and tropical swamp food restaurant? - TICK

Don't fancy deep fried aligator?There's local cuisine too.Deep fried haggis? - TICK

Need even more cholesterol?What's the problem!Battered deep fried pizza? - TICK

What does one do with all that food?Throw it up on yourself,of course.NYC made vomit bag? - TICK

The surgery is there and they even deal with the gun wounds.Residents of Hackney will feel safer than at home.999 EMERGENCY? - TICK

TRACKSTANDS FRIDAY THE 13TH

2007-07-09T14:40:00.000-07:00

Sometimes after 7pm.Somewhere in Soho.Meet at The John Snow.Actually i work till 9pm so its all in Ian's hands.So hassle him.
Same rules:1 quid to enter,winner takes it all.No feet on the front wheel etc.
Fantastic HOUSE OF PISTARD has promised some apparel for prizes again.And I may chuck in one of the BRIXTON PISTA tees.
Don't bother googling in search for them coz they ain't there.Got like 5 left so if you want one,be quick and talk to me.Damage=£10

7/7/7 TRACKSTANDS RESULTS

2007-07-08T06:15:00.000-07:00

While the overpaid riders were finishing their race just across the river,we had 20 people competing in track standing.Unfortunatelly the full results are lost in the depths of Ian's clipboard,but here are the last people standing:
Wee Scott was the winner,scorring 22 pounds in cash.Creative Couriers' fastest telephonist not only was late but also had to borrow a bike to enter the competition.Shared second place goes to American Mike and Kamil-I'm not sure who fell off first.anyway they both lasted at least 30-40 seconds into no hands one foot.The last standing female is Justyna who got a PISTARD tee shirt donated by THE HOUSE OF PISTARD.
Next trackstand competition is this coming FRIDAY THE 13TH after work at THE JOHN SNOW.
Competition is open to everyone:messengers and non messengers,fakengers and non fakengers.The rules are simple:
two wheels to track stand,one quid to enter.WINNER TAKES IT ALL.
See yours at THE SNOW.
Shots of winners are below.More pictures here

Murderous pieces of machinery.

2007-07-06T16:56:00.000-07:00

A little quiz.Bob Oddy from the LONDON TAXI DRIVERS ASSOCIATION,the lovely chap he is.Here he goes:
"Those vehicles are a death trap,cause a menance to other road users and should be abandoned atogether.It is only a metter of time before someone is killed.These are murderous pieces of machinery and should not be allowed on the streets"
What is Bob Oddy lamenting about???

A little bit more about black cab drivers

2007-07-06T14:46:00.000-07:00

This is pretty much continuation of my angry post from few days ago.Well,now,you know what I do think about London's black cab drivers.I reckon that my view is shared by every single person who works on a bicycle in London.And quite possibly by most of the people who do cycle in London.
But what does the average person think of London cabbies?Does Johnny Average like them?
Discovery Channel somehow managed to research that driving a black cab in London is the toughest job in the UK.Read more here.Now,that explains why are they so grumpy and violent.
Being a cycle messenger wasn't in the top 10 of shit jobs.Can't be that bad then....Bet that the next research will prove that they are underpaid too...Poor people.
Anyone familiar with the name Bill Bryson?I really like his writing,well most of it.This bit is taken from his book "Notes from a small island":
"Let me say right now that London cab drivers are,without question,the finest in the world.They're trustworthy,safe,generally friendly,always polite."
That pretty much sums it up.Very nice,hard working bunch.And safe too.
Well,not if you are a cyclist though."Notes from a small island" has got a simply scary bit about forcing a cyclist to ride into a lamppost.Page 44 in my edition from 1999.
Are you cycling Mr. Bryson?Too old and too fat?How about your kids?Or perhaps grand kids?Why not then let them have a little go on london's streets.Just a short ride.I'm sure within first 10 minutes someone will run their spotless,friendly,trustworthy and safe black cab into them.Someone who's driving skills are so superior that no indication or mirror check is needed.Oh and Mr Bryson,don't forget to check that your offspring does not wear helmets.We all know that 'those geeky slipstream helmets(...)all but invite you to knock him/her over".Scientifically proved too.
Now,don't take me wrong.I certainly don't think that every single one of london cabbies is a complete nutcase.judging by their road manners only about every 5 in 10.Also i have to say one thing:I have never ever been cut off or U- turned on by a female black cab driver.Shame there is so few of them.

Trackstands after LeTour

2007-07-04T13:50:00.000-07:00

Forum Magnum square SE1.Look for the Belvedere road entrance to the County Hall.

NUTTERS!!!!

2007-07-03T12:38:00.000-07:00

Today 5.30ish,going from Soho to Knightsbridge.Its pissing down with rain.Just passed the traffic lights at the Sloane street junction,when the guy on my right decides that he doesnt want to go to High street Ken.And he is turning right into me.Its really close.Too close.Swerve to the left and acceleration to avoid him.Loud WRRROOOOM and he is now on my left.He doesnt like me and he is getting closer and closer.His window is down so i shout 'Don't play with my life' and 'Learn how to drive'.He shouts back 'I'm gonna fuckin kill you'.He isn't kidding and he is getting even closer.There is a bus on my right,so nowhere to escape.His side mirror is now right on my handlebars.Its slippery,I'm going pretty fast and it all takes like 5-10 seconds.I slap his mirror,don't really need to move my hand to do it-its so close.I slap it lightly,won't cause any damage and hopefully that will scare him off.The cunt grabs my arm and pulls it as he is accelerating.My front wheel starts dancing on the wet road,there is a moving bus on my right-I'm shitting myself.Somehow didnt go under the bus.The cunt speeded off west,left me shaking for another hour...
Friday evening,Wells street heading down towards Soho.Just passed the lights at East Castle street when a black cab overtakes me.Overtakes where there isn't really enough room to overtake.Squeezed between the kerb and a taxi passing 2mm away from me.10 meters ahead he stops at Oxford street lights.I'm ahead of him again.Going to pick up the last job of the day,so no time for hostilities,gestures etc.We set off.On Berwick street there is absolutely not enough space to overtake,So that lovely chap is driving just behind me.I mean it- JUST behind me.I can feel his bumper on my wheel.From Oxford street to Darblay street.Thats what? Maybe 200 meters.The guy was decent enough not to actually run me over.THANX MATE.
Monday morning,its raining again.I'm on Waterloo road heading north.As I approach the rounabout I watch the oncoming traffic from the right waiting for that gap.And what do i see?A cabbie decides he needs to change the lane.He looks in the mirror-there is a motocyclist approaching on his left.What cabbie does?Yep,you knew it-he pulls the turn just in front of the motorcyclist.The poor fucker slams his brakes,Its wet so he skids sideways,miraculously not coming off.The cab driver didn't even blink his eye.As if nothing happened.
The grand Tour de France is coming to London.In front of me I have a guide to the Tour produced by Transport For London.Page 64,big advert-TRAVEL SAFE it says above a pic of a black cab and a london bus.TRAVEL SAFE MY ARSE.About half of my close calls does involve black cab drivers so don't fucking tell me to travel safe.
Dear People from Transport For London-I hope you are reading this.You can spend millions on cycling publicity,have a fucking cycling festival in Hyde Park every day and Tour de Fucking France every week,but CASTRATING everyone who passes the knowledge test may well be a better option.Or perhaps compulsory castration should go together with every car purchase.Situations like that one in Knightsbridge today fills me with so much hatred.So please excusse my language.Have a good night.

Londons Calling poster

2007-07-01T14:03:00.000-07:00

Highlights of this week

2007-06-15T16:13:00.000-07:00

Antiskid works on Waterloo roundabout-SKIDERS BEWARE!!!

Think of a park.Do you see rows of trees?Can you smell the grass?Forget about it then.Rows of BMWs and toxic fumes.A 'park' in EC1.

BLBP

2007-06-10T14:43:00.000-07:00

Brick Lane Bike Polo

Bloodthirsty pedestrians

2007-06-03T09:01:00.000-07:00

How many times have you had a close call involving peds?More than enough I'm sure.Suicidal idiots running kamikaze-style across Oxford street are nothing new.But how about getting attacked by one of them???
Few months ago when standing-by on New oxford street happened to see 3 young suitandtie guys jaywalking acroos the road,trying to slap a messenger who have just jumped red light. Looked like they found it very funny.
And today surfin the web stumbled across a photo of a courier jumping red light.
go here to see the picture and the comment left by some moron(quite possibly one of those wankers i saw on new oxford...).

do not lock your bicycle to this railing

2006-12-17T05:01:00.000-08:00

i hate those signs,i really do.why would you care that a bike is locked to a fence?if you care that much about chipped paint on your railing you may as well save yourself time and money and NOT have a fence.
but i love to lock it up just where the notice is.i bet you do too.
well,read on

LONDON CALLING-CMWC pre event

2006-12-17T02:49:00.000-08:00

It's happening-not for next few months but IT IS HAPPENING.After worlds in 1994 and ecmc in 2003 its gonna be the biggest messenger event in the big smoke:pre event for world championships in dublin.
cheapo train/ferry tickets from euston( at only £48 return) leave you no excuses.
Go here or here.

Crashed again

2006-12-16T16:55:00.000-08:00

WRECK OF THE WEEK...

2006-11-02T14:24:00.000-08:00

...was parked on London Wall EC2.'Safe' parking spot in the city.

QUOTE OF THE WEEK

2006-11-02T14:23:00.000-08:00

BMW.Bike Messenger Wannabe.

QUOTE OF THE WEEK

2006-10-23T19:31:00.000-07:00

'So we have a job for you.You can start tomorrow.There's one thing though-don't even think about riding without the front brake.And by front brake I mean a calliper connected by a cable to the lever,on your bike-not in your bag."

Two wheels or four wheels?

2006-10-23T10:51:00.000-07:00

So the quickest rider on Creative Couriers circuit is switching from two wheels to four.Are you sure it's going to be faster,Jacob?

Halloween

2006-10-17T10:00:00.000-07:00

Wookie and American Mike are announcing The Halloween Alley Cat.
Saturday 28th of october.
Costumes only!!!!!!
More details to follow.Or check MT forum.
14th(!!!!)annual halloween race in berlin
Theres one in NYC too.

QUOTES FROM A VERY RAINY DAY

2006-10-14T14:34:00.000-07:00

My controller on the radio said:'3 people didn't turn up today,so if anyone is planning on not turning up tomorrow,you may as well tell me now"
Another messenger, passing by in pouring rain, said:'Wet t-shirt contest?'

HOW MANY BIKES DOES MESSENGER NEED?

2006-10-14T13:29:00.000-07:00

So how many bikes does messenger need to do his/her job?Two perhaps,just in case theres something wrong with 'the main' one?Well,read on then...
The year of 2006 has started for me pretty crap.Torn cartilige in my knee put me out of work for almost whole of the january,while waiting for the surgery managed to 'work' one-two days a week in february(riding 44x18).March and most of april recovering after the operation...
Finally felt like its time i could get back on my bike,although i figured out that riding fixed wheel straight away may not be the best idea.Gears and brakes then.
In Kristofs garden shed stashed away waited for me old battered red no name frame.Couple of years back in time I bought that frame for Kris at a jumble sale near Portsmouth.It was battered, had lots of ok bits on it(campy cranks etc) and costed like 20 quid.It also had seized seat post and stem.Kris converted it into his first fixie, he managed to unseize the stem by hiting a bus on Oxford street,seat post remained where it was.
Anyway, I'm back to work freewheeling for first time in 3 years,all going nice and smooth,and suddenly after 2 or 3 weeks of work(and one alley cat) the chainstay cracked.Straight into the bin...

Haven't got much choice then-back on fixed wheel.This time its one of my favoured work bikes-CARLTON I scored off ebay for 70 pounds.For some reason no one bid on it(apart of some guy called Westcoastmessenger,now-nearly 3 years later-i figured it was Xander...)and i just loved that bike.About two months later on thursday afternoon i was coming back to Soho after a run to Horseferry road/Francis street.walking up the stairs from the Mall to Pall Mall with bike on my shoulder, looked on my headset and there it was-a crack on the headtube.Another day of riding it-this time i noticed bit wierd steering.Again,into the bin...

This time its my 'sunday' bike-all golden TOMMY GODWIN.Another bike off ebay,very nice lugged frame,probably older than myself.Riding it without any problems.In the meantime though managed to completely trashed the green NOT A PINARELLO-by riding it full speed into a parked car in Glasgow.

Finally two weeks ago I'm waiting outside the ITN on Grays Inn Road for someone to come out and take tapes off me.30 minutes waiting time,I'm quite bored.so bored that started looking all over my bike,just to discover a long crack along the lug line where the headtube and the lower tube meet.And yet again-straight into the bin...
4 bikes in less than 6 months.Pretty good.
Bill reckons that I'm cursed.Could be:the lovely 1960s CARLTON with fancy lugs i sold to Twitchy Tom has cracked recently.Alloy BIANCHI road bike i sold to Kristof snapped on the seat tube(after ride from London to Basel and back,two rides to Stonehenge and many shorter rides not counting all the work both me and Kristof done on it).The NONAME grey bike i sold to Jacob may be developing a crack too.So curse it may be.
Wee Scott told me I'm a fat wanker.Damn right I am.Fat facking cunt.
So,don't buy any bikes I may try to sell you.No matter how good they look or how great the bargain is...
Anyway,who wants to buy a bike from a fat,cursed wanker?

QUOTE OF THE WEEK

2006-10-09T12:43:00.000-07:00

'Lower Regent Street is like God.it doesn't exist,but everyone knows its there'

THE WRECK OF THE WEEK

2006-10-08T06:31:00.001-07:00

Something what used to be Cannondale mountain bike was abandonned on Kingly street.

How to improve your TRACKSTAR hoodie?

2006-10-07T12:21:00.001-07:00

TRACKSTAR's hoodie is one of my favoured tops.
if you got one of them and you think that this nice golden print is just not blinging enough heres very simple recipe how to improve it.
you will need:
Trackstar hoodie-1
deep fried pizza-at least 1
nasty whiskey-more than you can handle
eat the pizza,drink the whiskey.dont forget to wear the hoodie before the booze kicks in.
pass out puking all over yourself(and your trackstar hoodie).
wear with pride.
Ps.i strongly advice to do it during the millportpoloco but if you just cant wait till next summer,any messenger event will do.perhaps you could even do it on the circut while waiting for the next job.

MILLPORTPOLOCO

2006-10-07T11:01:00.000-07:00

"Weekend away in Scotland....5 hours trip on the train wasnt that boring at all,thanks to some texan dude asking me questions about direct trains from glasgow to athens etc...
meeting the rest of the london crew at glasgow central.its pissing down with rain so we are off to the pub for few pints and veggie haggis.shortly moving to another pub-which is the meeting point for tonites race.catching up with old friends and making new ones.
Started racing with a big bang(literally)by crashing into a parked car during the street kierin on park circus.bend the shit out my bike,bruised myself enough to be unable to sleep on my left side for next 3 weeks...dont remember who won it and you cant blame me for it-too busy bending back my forks and trying to figure out am i still alive...

Next day off to the island of great cumbrae where the main event is happening-millportpoloco.gave up on the time trail around the island.instead hanging out by the start/finish(next to very smelly public toilet,any explanation Xander?),eating deep fried pizzas and thinking how my self-turning-to-the-right-bike may be good for riding wrong way on the velodrome.
time trials winners are Brian and Justyna(ex shitty sprint rider who now lives in glasgow).more drinking,more deepfried fat.trying to set up my tent....

night of camping by the bonfire,cant recall much.most likely due to many £1 whiskies at the local pub.hangover of the century didnt stop me from entering the Pirate Alleycat.ride up the hill nearly gave me heart attack,shot of cheapo whiskey made me puke again but theres only as much as hungover messenger can do -swiming to the next island was just too much for me.

hanging out on the shore,waiting for swimmers to return(some of them barely made it back),munching on chips from The Crocodile Chippy.loooong ride back to the ferry terminal in pissing down rain.waiting for the last boat and watching randall smashing up his carbon fibre frame...hmmm.
im definitely coming back next year.
Xander's Millportpoloco site is here
my pictures are here

FIXED WHEEL ALLEY CAT ON BANK HOLIDAY MONDAY

2006-08-23T11:56:00.000-07:00

The rumour says that Flo is leaving London for good and his going away is an alley cat.28th of august bank holiday monday.now you know as much as i do-so ask around for more details.

THE LONGEST SKID

2006-08-23T11:51:00.000-07:00

this year its on friday the 15th of september,its most likely not on the leather lane but seems like we have found pretty good places not too far from the duke of york.
the group ride from duke should start rolling at around 8.30 pm.
we have some cool prices already with more to come.
and its gonna be:longest skid,trackstands,sprints and some form of foot down.
stay tuned for more news.

2006-08-13T11:32:00.000-07:00

DREAM JOB

Over 5 years of delivering various crap.you name it-i carried it in my bag:letters,parcels,video tapes,cds,dvds,pictures,print outs,posters,ps2 games,samples od designer clothes,portfolios,ice cream...even a cheque for half a million quid.
It took me over 5 years to figure out what my dream job is-OUT OF HOURS BOOZE DELIVERY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-08-13T11:24:00.000-07:00

RE-STOLEN BIKES AT ECMC

This is picture of Roger's bike shortly before it was lifted from the youth hostel in Helsinki.
I know how slim the chances are that the bike will turn up anywhere,but if anyone spots someone riding it or trying to sell it-please kick the shit out of wanker!!!!

2006-08-10T12:42:00.000-07:00

POLKA DOT ALLEYCAT "GRAN PREMIO MONTANJA"

Jos's alleycat happened on the night of friday the 4th of august . checkpoints in some obscure places around hampstead heath with the finish line on top of parliament hill.
afterwards barbeque,free beer,being eaten alive by mosquitos and being ignored by the royal park constabulary(i guess we arent cool enough for them to stop and investigate-im fine with that).here are the pictures and the results.

1st-Donny
2nd-Wee Scott
3rd-Peter
4-Lucky 7
5-Ian
6-Dominik
7-Zenek
8-Phil
9-Tim
10-cant read that,sorry mate
11-Urban
12-Kamil
13-Kuba
14-Wingnut
DFL-Nigel/Jackie

2006-08-09T14:45:00.000-07:00

BICYCLE POLO

bike polo every thursday 6pm and every sunday 1pm,basketball court in the park at mint street se1,across the road from fire station on southwark bridge road.
call dougal for more info 07949 217 582
its wicked fun and you can get those so cool looking bruises

2006-08-09T14:00:00.000-07:00

STOLEN BIKES AT ECMC

Jacob's sonic wasnt actually niceked in helsinki but few days later in Riga in Latvia.very unique machine-steel frame with aero dynamic looking carbon casing,48 cm seat tube,55 cm top tube,whole thing covered in stickers.mavic cosmic elite front wheel(no decals),cxp33 on goldtec hub rear wheel with EAI 18t sprocket,miche bb and chainset-46t chainring,3ttt pista drop bars,itm big one quill stem,thomson seatpost black,slr saddle,campag track pedals with sprint double straps.
ANY SCANDINAVIAN MESSENGERS READING THIS-KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN!
and if you think that you bike is safe locked up with beefy kryptonite chain,think again before passing out with the key hanging from your wrist.
Tokyo messenger Roger travelled to helsinki all the way from japan just to have his bike stolen from the hostel where he stayed.havent got a picture of it but its quite unique as well:grey track frame with big white balloon tyres,flat bars,golden goldfinger bmx brake lever,disc brake on the front wheel...

2006-08-09T13:15:00.000-07:00

ECMC 2006 HELLSINKI & STAR TRACK COPENHAGEN

22 londoners showed up in hellsinki.the fastest muppet-Jos 'Sjoske' from Cyclone-6th overall(and first fixie if i remember right).also the only one london messenger who quallified to the final.nice one Jos!!!
full results and lots more pictures on www.ecmc2006.com
Star Track in copenhagen was attended by only three of us.the alley cat was a killer-more then 40 checkpoints,4 hours of riding.only 12 racers finished the whole race,among them Wee Scott-best out of towner.Scott also was 2nd in track stands and 3rd in sprints.http://fixie-king.dk/Star-track/index.htm
full story and more pictures are likely to follow(if i can be fucked to write it).